With a telephone call, I have set into motion an opportunity that has the ability to take me several places: out of the area, out of my comfort level, out of my doldrums.
The opportunity does come with a price, and that would be leaving what I have come to know for the past 11 years; friendships, a sense of community and a pride in one’s work that makes a difference.
And that continues to be bittersweet.
Because I believe I have found my voice in Northern California and would love nothing more than to explore it further. Alas, that might not get to happen. Nothing lasts forever I guess, but sometimes the known – the favorite flannel shirt – gets so comfortable that one tends to forget that opportunity is growth and an advanced degree in life.
I still have those feelings. Like the petulant child; “I was here first and why can’t everyone just clear out of my goddamn way and let me do my thing?”
And I have to remember that I’m not dealing with people who care for things in the same way that I care for things; that their sense in “right” and “wrong” and “what to do” does not mesh with my own thoughts and feelings on the matter and that neither side is right or is wrong.
It just is; a situation – a stalemate – where personal and professional happiness does not walk arm-in-arm like new lovers.
The desire to be wanted – courted – in the professional arena is rather heady. And I look forward to exploring this opportunity – and a couple of others – to do what is right for me as a professional, but as a person.
I will let my heart and my gut lead the way. I will seek out guidance from those I trust.
But I still can’t help to look back and wonder:
About one company that doesn’t fully realize what they will lose when I walk out the door for the very last time.
And about the one company that knows exactly what they would get the instant I walked through their doors – but can’t quite make that same leap of faith I am prepared to make.
And so forward motion takes me elsewhere.
And it is scary.
And it feels good.
The Walking Rock Alphabet: I
9 hours ago